Givers Can Be Choosers

I used to take private piano lessons and now I give private English lessons.  There's definitely something the givers know that the takers don't.  And in case you're a taker or you know a taker or you plan to be a taker some day, this is a private lesson to teach you how to be a good one.

When I was a taker I didn't consider the effect canceling had on my teacher's day.  I never thought about her other lessons or trips to the post office or social life.  And I certainly didn't think that my cancellation had an impact on her salary.  But the truth is, it did.
   
Don't forget that teaching private lessons is a job.  And with a job there's an income with which teachers pay their bills, buy their groceries and plan their weekly budgets.  The lesson that you've scheduled with them at 3p.m. on Tuesday might not be important to you, but it is to them.  They've decided it's okay to invite a friend to a movie because they know your lesson will cover the cost of the ticket.  They've ridden their bike to the grocery store in the rain on Tuesday morning because they've reserved Tuesday afternoon for you.  And they may have refused other students that wanted a lesson at 3p.m. because you already said you'd be there.

When you cancel your lesson because you just don't feel like going or something better has come up, they've lost their money for the movie, they could've shopped in the sunshine in the afternoon instead of in the rain in the morning and they should've accepted a lesson from a more faithful student and earned the money they've lost from you.

You might think that you're taking piano lessons from the granny at the end of the block, but if you're paying her, she's not just doing it for fun.  And if you decide to cancel a lesson because you were lazy and didn't practice or you feel a bit of a cold coming on, give it a second thought. When I was a taker, I definitely didn't.  I'm sure I cancelled a few lessons the day before and thought nothing of it.  As long as I called and cancelled it seemed there was no harm in it.  Now that I'm the granny at the end of the block I'd like to apologize to my old teachers.

I've recently begun refusing students that have cancelled too many times (and it sure feels good).  One teenage girl even came to my house on a Sunday afternoon to ask if she could start taking lessons again.  I listed the number of times she'd cancelled and the excuses she'd given.  She wasn't the only one surprised to hear, "I'm sorry, but it's not worth the risk."  Somewhere along the line I've finally realized that givers can be choosers.  It may mean a few less trips to the gelateria, but that's never really hurt anyone.

In the first four months of this year, 21 students have cancelled their lessons with me. Considering that most months have 20 working days, that comes to one lesson a day for a month.  None of them had a car accident or appendicitis.  They didn't even have the flu. They were students that didn't sleep well the night before or had a little stomachache or a faulty alarm clock.  Some had a bad day at school, a hard day at the office or too much homework.   This many lessons would have paid for a long weekend out of town with a flight on EasyJet, a cheap hotel and some street food.

The next time I have a month with an extra 21 students maybe I'll plan the little getaway. Don't worry, I won't cancel any lessons at the last minute.  Out of respect for the students, I'll give plenty of notice and do my best to reschedule the lesson.  


Givers have to set limits because takers rarely do.  Irma Kurtz