No Brown Paper Packages Tied Up with Strings

Dear Mr. Trump,

This year, in an effort to save time and money, most of my handmade Christmas cards and gifts were delivered in person on my trip to Chicago in September. Naturally there were still some lose threads (no pun intended) and upon my return, the annual trip to the Italian post office was inevitable.

The first package contained the final 20 addressed and USAForever-stamped Christmas cards. The plan was to send the package to a friend who would then drop them individually in a blue mailbox on the nearest corner. The parcel couldn't be sent under the headings pasta, Parmegiano or porcini (typical things sent from Italy), so we settled on 'documents', which seemed closer to the truth than anything else. Unfortunately, four days later it was returned to sender (yours truly) with a note explaining that they considered it merchandise and an apology that the 18 euros to send it was non-refundable.

So, I carefully removed the Forever stamps, replaced them with expensive Italian ones and dropped them in our bright red mailboxes. In the end I spent 83 euros for 20 cards that won't get there until well-after Presidents' Day, which I'm worried might be renamed Trump Day by the time they arrive.

I also had some small packages containing handknit headbands to mail. Under the Biden Administration the postlady and I declared handmade things with a value of zero; another way to keep postage prices down and delivery speed up. With yarn from a secondhand store and free labor from me, to anyone but my friends (and sometimes I even question that) they really had zero value.  

To keep the line moving, the postlady said she'd figure things out later and send me a message when the packages were on the truck. Unfortunately the headbands didn't make it. When she wrote that the cost was 40 euros each to send something I wasn't even sure my friends would use, I said no thank you. For the first year ever, thanks to you Mr. President, those friends were giftless and I can only imagine, heartbroken.

Through the years I'd learned to keep my gifts flat, light and unbreakable to ensure stress-free delivery, but this year your tariffs have prohibited even the simplest of surprises. It looks like next year the least expensive option will be an autumn flight home with EVERYTHING finished and I'll save my delightful trip to the Italian post office for my European friends. I pray that by this time next year there won't be a tariff on ex-pats going home for Christmas.      

Hopefully when you leave office we can make Christmas great again with things like handmade cards and headbands. Until then, I'm blaming the disruption of this simple holiday tradition on you. I imagine you feel as guilty as you did tearing down the East Wing.

Happy New Year, Donald.

An American in Italy