Sex, Religion, Politics and ........

In February (and March and April and.....) my fear of Covid was a fear of infection and death. While I can't say that I've officially erased that fear, I can say that it's taken a backseat. I don't hold my breath anymore when I pass people in fields and I don't always wear my glasses in public. My groceries are no longer rubbed down with alcohol and my mail doesn't spend an extra day in the mailbox before it gets opened.  I still worry about touching things (in public, but no longer at home) and I try to be downwind for conversations on the beach. I've added to my already obssessive behaviours in public bathrooms, but I don't hold it anymore.

We were told we'd have to learn to live with the virus and I'm trying.  My current fear has gone from losing a battle with Covid to losing friends over a battle about Covid.  I'm taking small steps to adjust to the new way of life, but unlike many friends, I think it's real, I think it could be dangerous and I think it's better to be safe than sorry.    

Walking through the piazza last week I was surprised by a friend.  In 2019 had she come from behind with a hug I would have been startled, then laughed.   In 2020 I was still startled, then shocked. I shook her arm off and told her it made me uncomfortable.  Fortunately, the tension lasted as long as the hug and we continued walking and talking (at a safe distance) and it seemed like 2019 again. Thirty minutes later I got a message.

She wrote that she really can't understand me. She said that for her it was nice to see me in the piazza, but for me it wasn't. She said I made her feel like she had infested me with the Plague and that Covid had taken over my brain. She said that a lot of people are living really badly because of huge misinformation from the media and that I'm living as though I'm already sick.

I'm not sure what happened after our friendly chat in the piazza about her cute outfit and her son's new girlfriend, but it seems all she could remember was the hug I'd refused (a decision based on guidelines from the CDC, not the local anchorman). 

I wanted to say that social distancing saves lives, but I didn't.  I wish I would've said that if she thinks I'm living the way someone sick is living, then the sick people are really quite lucky because they still go running everyday and spend their weekends on the beach, but I didn't.  Instead I wrote that, in fact, I was happy to see her and I wasn't living badly. Period.

I'm tired of feeling guilty for shunning a hug.  And I've stopped feeling embarrassed about taking one step back (again and again) while people continue taking two steps forward.  My behaviors aren't excessive. I haven't worn gloves for months, I haven't locked myself in my house and I haven't stopped going out for pizza and ice cream. Life goes on with masks and social distancing.  

One of my students is a chemist.  He agrees with my behavior and he disagrees with huggers and handshakers.  In addition to suggesting lessons in the park on sunny winter days, he's also stocked me with some special masks.  He says they're better than the cute ones I've made from old buttondowns and one in particular is to use when I'm only concerned about protecting myself. I hope I'm wearing that one the next time someone comes up from behind with a surprise hug. 

As an American I learned to avoid three taboo subjects.....sex, religion and politics. (Quite the contrary in Italy). I think the time has come to add a fourth....Covid. Losing a friend to Covid would be devastating.  Losing a friend over Covid would be stupid.