Wednesday, March 23, 2022

The Unreachable Egoist

My Italian friends often accuse me of not answering my phone, a reputation I'm proud to uphold. The reason I don't answer is because I'm seldom READY to answer. If I'm reading, I've chosen to read and that's not the moment I want to talk on the phone. And the same goes for running, walking, cleaning, writing, planting flowers, eating, visiting friends or, lo and behold, daydreaming. Egoistical? Perhaps. But I find it no different from the way my accusers handle their calls.  

Here's a typical Italian exchange on the telephone.

Instead of 'hello' they say pronto. The first dictionary definition of pronto is ready, prompt, prepared, immediate and rapid. Although those seem like 'at your service' kind of words, many responders are anything but available when answering a call.

Next, the caller asks, "Ti disturbo?" (am I bothering you?). In my opinion if someone takes a call they should be ready to talk (after all, they say READY when they answer). So I don't feel the need to ask if I'm bothering them. It's their fault if they've answered and they're not ready, so I just start talking. 

From here the calls have two possibilities. The first is, "Sorry, I can't talk. I'll call you later." Answering, apologizing and hanging up shouldn't get the egoistic answerer off the hook. In my opinion that response is the same as not answering at all.  

The second possibility is completely ignoring their current activity (taking a walk with me for instance) to answer the phone and talk to their cousin in Sicily about cannoli. What this demonstrates in courtesy to the caller, it lacks in respect to the person at hand. 

This is not to say that all calls should be ignored (or that Sicilian pastries don't deserve recognition). Quickly confirming an appointment, answering a call from a kid or talking to the mechanic don't upset this termagant. I understand that some parts of life require immediate attention, but the fresh eggs and radicchio your mom leaves by your door will be there whether you answer your phone or not.