It's Time to Start Answering (Part One)

I'm sure I've received a lot of wake-up calls in the past, but since I'd never actually requested one the night before, they must have all come at the wrong time and I never answered. Recently it's been the unscheduled calls that seem to have shaken me from more than just bed, and I think the callers deserve recognition.

Caller number one, Ester from Finland. I met Ester on the beach in her bikini and crocheted hat. This seventeen-year old girl exploded into my life with a lot of everything. She knits and crochets (but first designs the patterns). She paints with such confidence that she prints her work and gives it to fans like me. She speaks beautiful Finnish, English and Italian. When I asked about other languages she said she studies German and Swedish at school and quietly added, "I also speak a little Spanish and I understand it well."

She often wore the same outfit on our nights out on the island. The essentials for her one-month vacation were yarn, watercolors, books and her cello....not a collection of hoodies and skirts.

Unlike me, Ester did more than just haul her passions to and from the beach. She effortlessly committed, created and played. And she unknowingly inspired. Every night when we said goodbye I was positive I'd wake up more creative and productive. I felt convinced that I had no more time to waste. Unfortunately, the next day was always the same as the day before. I did nothing.  

Regular readers know I'm not one to quote Shakespeare. "To be or not to be" is about as far as I've ever gotten. But searching for a quote about good intentions, I found this:

"If to do were as easy as to know what were good to do,
chapels had been churches, and poor men's cottages princes' palaces.
It is a good divine that follows his own instructions:
I can easier teach twenty what were good to be done,
than to be one of the twenty to follow my own teaching."

By midsummer Ester's example had come and gone (back to Finland). And even though I thought about her every day, I kept building mud pies instead of sandcastles.

And then.....I went to Rome.

American Delicacies

Italians love (Italian) food. After weddings they talk about the food with no mention of the dresses or flowers. After vacations you seldom hear about the people, places or things. If the trip was in Italy, you hear about the great food. And if it wasn't in Italy, you hear about the terrible food.

I shouldn't have been surprised last month when I told my Italian friends I was expecting visitors and their only question was, "What are you going to cook?" There was no interest in my guests' origin, the length of their stay or what we'd planned on visiting. The only concern was the menu.

Likewise, my friends shouldn't have been surprised when I answered, "I'm not cooking." Since a common Italian belief is that all Americans put ketchup on pasta, they should have been happy my guests would be spared such an atrocity. After all, they were guests in Italy. No one's ever said, "when in Rome, do as the expatriates."

Last week I went to a potluck dinner. One dish was some kind of flaky crust spread with a combination of cheeses and topped with prosciutto and sesame seeds. Then there was cold pasta with pesto and cherry tomatoes, cold rice with tuna, a cold omelette with zucchini and Delores' Delicious Dill Dip. Seeing that there are no Italians named Delores, you can guess who brought the dip.

Unfortunately, at the dinner the women sat at one end of the table and the men at the other. At the women's end they (not we) talked a lot about food. I thought they were just being nice when they asked about the ingredients in the dip. But when they asked if I'd made the mayonnaise, I'd had enough. I hadn't asked if they'd gone fishing for the tuna or raised the chickens that laid the eggs. Did they really think I'd made the mayonnaise?

That was my cue to excuse myself and head to the men's end where they were more interested in Delores than her dip's ingredients. When they asked for more I told them that their wives had licked the platter clean...first with the vegetables, then with a spoon and then with some bread for the hard to reach dip in the corners. When I offered the omelette and the rest of the rice they declined.   

The icing on the cake (even though most classic Italian cakes are frosted with a mere dusting of powdered sugar) for the ethnocentric Italians is US News & World Report's ranking of Italy as the country with the greatest food. The judges have apparently never been to a potluck dinner to see the giant plate of rice krispie treats (butter, rice krispies and marshmallows) devoured while the expensive tray of Italian pastries makes its third trip around the table.

It's time to stop attending Italian dinners with such trepidation. With a little (store-bought) mayonnaise and some marshmallows it's not hard to be the "bella" of the ball. 

P.S. If you have an easy American recipe, please send it to the address below. I'm running out of clinchers. Grazie!
 

Knights in Shining Armor

"Your hair," he said quietly. Without finishing the sentence he raised his eyebrows and lifted his head. That was enough to say, "Fix it."
 
She reached back and found the strand that had fallen from the loose knot. With a quick twist she was back to perfection. Not the perfection of the old chignon, but the perfection of the new messy look. I've forgotten it's (hair)stylish name, but it's probably something ridiculous like shabby chic.

I slugged the man and told him his wife's fallen lock looked lovely. The slug had come without thought, but later left me wondering if I'd been running to the rescue of the damsel in distress or flagging the finder of fault. Seeing that I so often play both roles, I considered it catching two pigeons with one bean (Italians' gentler version of killing two birds with one stone).

That night as I was letting my hair down (a more romantic way of taking my ponytail out) I thought about the couple's nearly silent exchange. Two whispered words intended for one were interpreted (or misinterpreted) by another.

My first thought was of a man with high standards accepting nothing but the best from his woman (which is why I slugged him).

Or was it a woman seeking perfection in herself? Perhaps she'd asked to be told when a hair was amiss. I've made similar requests. Tell me when there's basil in my teeth. Nudge me when I'm not sitting up straight. Help me when I'm being quizzed on the political situation in America.

Or could it be that we damsels (and dames) have forever been feigning our failures? When I'm by myself there's no one to save my cell phone from falling (it doesn't fall) nor warn me of rocks when I run (I don't trip). I (seldom) leave lunch with sauce on my sleeves and I don't see the peril in puddles. Had the woman with the loose lock been alone, the strand may never have strayed. Perhaps we aren't really damsels in distress, but rather clever creators of calamity. For without our daily mishaps, our knights in armor would have no reason to shine.
 

The Unreachable Egoist

My Italian friends often accuse me of not answering my phone, a reputation I'm proud to uphold. The reason I don't answer is because I'm seldom READY to answer. If I'm reading, I've chosen to read and that's not the moment I want to talk on the phone. And the same goes for running, walking, cleaning, writing, planting flowers, eating, visiting friends or, lo and behold, daydreaming. Egoistical? Perhaps. But I find it no different from the way my accusers handle their calls.  

Here's a typical Italian exchange on the telephone.

Instead of 'hello' they say pronto. The first dictionary definition of pronto is ready, prompt, prepared, immediate and rapid. Although those seem like 'at your service' kind of words, many responders are anything but available when answering a call.

Next, the caller asks, "Ti disturbo?" (am I bothering you?). In my opinion if someone takes a call they should be ready to talk (after all, they say READY when they answer). So I don't feel the need to ask if I'm bothering them. It's their fault if they've answered and they're not ready, so I just start talking. 

From here the calls have two possibilities. The first is, "Sorry, I can't talk. I'll call you later." Answering, apologizing and hanging up shouldn't get the egoistic answerer off the hook. In my opinion that response is the same as not answering at all.  

The second possibility is completely ignoring their current activity (taking a walk with me for instance) to answer the phone and talk to their cousin in Sicily about cannoli. What this demonstrates in courtesy to the caller, it lacks in respect to the person at hand. 

This is not to say that all calls should be ignored (or that Sicilian pastries don't deserve recognition). Quickly confirming an appointment, answering a call from a kid or talking to the mechanic don't upset this termagant. I understand that some parts of life require immediate attention, but the fresh eggs and radicchio your mom leaves by your door will be there whether you answer your phone or not.  






 

Now Hear This.

I've been pondering a week with no pay.  I don't mean a week OFF with no pay, simply a week with no pay. Students would still come with their blankets and winter coats to talk by the potbelly stove in the yard and I'd still stay 10-feet away in my beret and montone to listen. The only difference is that if they weren't paying me, maybe I'd feel a little less guilty talking.

My job description includes nothing more than carrying on a conversation and correcting mistakes. (I occasionally get into 8th grade grammar rules, help with resumes, learn about people like Virginia Woolf and edit documents like the masonry quality of seismic performance in historic buildings.) But the truth is, we usually just talk about LIFE. Rather, we usually just talk about THEIR lives.

My students feel like friends. We exchange Christmas gifts and send silly messages. I help them quit their jobs, break up with their boyfriends and girlfriends and pick colors for their new kitchens. I love them and I love my job, but something is missing. I don't feel like they know much about me.    

When a one-hour lesson (which is seldom less than 75 minutes because I'm having fun) is over, I cap my pen (so they know it's over) and throw in a comment about my own life. I continue with the closure signs to make sure they know I'm not talking on their dime and I speak with a little less guilt.

Last week I got a message from one of my favorites, 73-year old Mr. Bean. (He has authorized the publication.)

Hi Ten.
I'd like to write some notes.
Actually I consider you not only as a teacher but as a sort of valley surrounded by high mountains. Many many times I've walked in the mountains and I used to shout to listen an echo, to feel nature answering me. In this case the nature is you. In other words, having no blog, no Facebook, I consider you, how could I say: my follower, my friend, my audience, or....simply an unpaid strict teacher or a psychologist whom I ask only to listen.

Although Mr. Bean's English is very good (better than usual in this note) there was a mistake with his use of 'unpaid' because in fact, he pays me. Perhaps he meant underpaid? Clarification confirmed  that he wanted to say that he recognizes correcting his midnight messages (when I'm unpaid) isn't part of my job, so he asks that I only listen (read them). Bravo, Mr. Bean. His English teacher must be good if he can write so eloquently. But his psychologist is a little dim to have misinterpreted "whom I ask only to listen" as "just be quiet."

Unfortunately, my job has a negative effect on my non-student friends. When I'm not working and finally feel free to talk, I can't shut up. During lessons with students I tell myself, "You can't talk. You have to listen." And on walks through fields with friends I tell myself, "You can talk 'til you get to the next tree and then you absolutely must stop."

To the friends who've had to walk in silence and to the students who've heard a story or two before the pen was capped, I apologize and leave you with my favorite quote from Anne of Green Gables. "I won't say another word--not one. I know I talk too much but I am really trying to overcome it, and although I say far too much, if you only knew how many things I want to say and don't, you'd give me some credit for it."

If I've mentioned that quote in the past, I apologize. I thought it was just one of the things I wanted to say and didn't.

As always, thanks for listening.
 

I'm not lovin' it

I'd been yearning for a milkshake for a few years, but kept putting it off. What nut puts off a milkshake? Living in the land of gelato, milkshakes are called frappe and I didn't yearn for a frappe, I yearned for a milkshake. I came close in London, but couldn't quickly convert the pounds to euros and didn't want a million dollar milkshake. Then there was the fake Big Boy in Lido. I considered spending the six euros (three times the price of an ice cream cone) but thought a fake Big Boy might also mean a fake milkshake.

Last week after my booster shot I decided I deserved one. But I got to the drive-thru speaker, panicked, and ordered my usual Perugina Baci McFlurry. (If only they could tape the Love Note to the bottom of the McFlurry cup. For more info on Perugina Baci Love Notes, google it. If I were getting paid for the advertising I'd figure out how to attach the link.)

Yesterday I wasn't in London or Lido and I hadn't overcome any traumas like the vaccine, but between the English lessons with the 61-year old designer talking about art and architecture and the 16-year old girl talking about boys, I had an extra hour. The sun was out, the top was down (it's down even when the sun's not out) and it was time.

I went to McDonald. (It's not a typo, that's what Italians call it. When they say, "Yesterday I go to McDonald" I'm more apt to correct the pronunciation of McDonald than the incorrect verb tense.) This time there was no deciding between a McFlurry and a milkshake, I was committed at all costs. The only decision was the size. In America I always ordered a large and even though I'd already had enough at the halfway point, I kept drinking and ordered a large the next time, too.

As I approached the drive-thru speaker I practiced the pronunciation of frappe. It seemed as ridiculous to order a frappe at McDonald as it does to order a grande latte at our other favorite American chain.

Drive-thru menus were never that easy to follow and with all the combos and limited time specials it's become impossible. I madly searched for frappe, but couldn't find it. Then, in the nick of time, I found a milkshake for one euro. (It reminded me of their 6-cent cones in Russia in 2003.)  A milkshake (instead of a frappe) with no sizes and just one price? I thought it must have been the kids' menu, but the speaker squawked "Benvenuto a McDonald" (Welcome to McDonald's) and I had to order. With no sizes or prices to choose from I simply said, "A long-awaited vanilla milkshake, please." (I didn't really say the long-awaited part, but had I known the word in Italian, I would have.)

At the second window, I paid my euro, collected my tiny cup and started drinking. And even though it wasn't large like the old days, I'd still had enough at the halfway point. It wasn't because I wasn't lovin' it, but because I couldn't stand what seemed like a wooden straw (referred to as an evolved paper straw). It was like paying a euro to scratch a chalkboard.  

Several months ago, to avoid the awful wooden spoon (referred to as fibre-based wooden cutlery) that comes with McFlurries, I decided to keep a metal one in my glove compartment. Now it's time to add a plastic 'silly straw', too. Not only will I welcome the good old-fashioned taste of plastic instead of wood, but the time it takes to pass through the extra inches of straw will make the tiny milkshake last longer.

Flexibility is not my forte, but if I start with some silly twists and turns maybe before long I'll be rolling with the (eco-friendly) changes.





 

The Gist for You AND Me. Crying at the Dentist

I normally don't have a problem with the dentist. Every other thing that has to do with checking or fixing something on my body is more than likely going to be faced with tears. But with the dentist, other than the quick tongue flip, I'm usually quite calm; until this morning when I slid into the baby blue vinyl chair, took my mask off and started to cry. There was no sobbing or sniffling, just a few tears rolling down my cheeks into my ears and out of my ears and down the back of my neck. Then as quickly as they started, they stopped. They had nothing to do with the trip to the dentist, but were merely an accumulation of some sad news throughout the week, disappointment in myself for not having been more productive and my looming booster shot in the afternoon.   

When I got home I sent the dentist a simple message that said, "I'm sorry I cried." She answered almost immediately. "Ma figurati.....sei una person sensibile Tenley.....e questa non e' una colpa ma un valore." (Don't be silly....you're a sensitive person Tenley....and this is not a fault, but a virtue.) Then I cried again. And thanks to her kind message the doctor at the vaccination site was spared a grown woman in tears and instead inoculated a courageous (sensitive) one. 

The Gist for You AND Me

It's time for a new series called "The Gist for You AND Me".
Easy to write. Easy to read. And hopefully easy to get the gist.

It's an extension of my tiny 365 book where I write the happiest moment of (almost) every day. The task alone makes me look at my days differently. I note the little things that undoubtedly went unnoticed before the book. When something happens early in the day I smile and wonder if it will make the 365. And a few hours later I find myself smiling again and wondering if the first happy moment will be replaced by the second.

Last year's 365 wasn't filled with trips around the world, fancy new furniture or cool new shoes (except for that one pair).  It was filled with pizzas in the park, (real) chats in the lagoon and stress-free days in my courtyard working on my this-is-no-place-for-perfectionism Gaudi wall.

Some nights when it's time to pick the happiest moment it seems like there are none. My choice is to leave the page blank or write about the herd of cows running through the field to greet me as I ran by. These little things don't mean I have to stop dreaming about the big stuff, but if I leave too many pages blank there won't be enough to string together to see what really makes my world go round.      

If this series begins and ends with this post, I'll accept it. The important thing is I'm giving a new idea a try instead of giving up. If nothing else, that's worth writing in my 365 when I go to bed tonight.  

The Gist for You AND Me has two goals. First, to help you start discovering little things to smile about. And second, to encourage you to give someone else something to smile about. Both lead to living your days 'gist' a little differently.