I think I've finally memorized how to give kisses in Italy and France. I spent a long time watching a funeral this morning and in addition to funerals being filled with tears, they are also filled with kisses. And Italian funerals are filled with kisses that start on the left cheek. (Followed by another on the right.)
After smashing a lot of glasses and nearly breaking a few noses, I'd almost given up. I've always felt a little awkward with the whole kiss thing anyway, then throw in the fact that I don't know which side to start on, and you can kiss any comfort goodbye. There are some people I really dread kissing. I started to avoid them. Well, not them really, but kissing them. And then that got a bit weird and I felt like a creep.
After a few glasses bashes, I started to take them off before hellos and goodbyes. That made things a little bit easier. I guess I haven't really explained the problem. The whole French kissing (not really FRENCH kissing) procedure starts on the right cheek. So, after my first couple of weeks in France, that became the norm. Then, I'd go to Italy for the weekend, have a few collisions, get used to it, and go back to Paris and start on the wrong side again. I promised myself I would remember the difference, but unfortunately, I had a mental block and could NEVER remember which was which. That made things even more tense.
Instead of thinking, "Oh, isn't it nice to see that person? I think I'll go greet them with a kiss, " I'd think, "Oh no. It's time to say hello. Which side? Where am I? Italy or Paris?" That doesn't make for the warmest hello. Then add the fact that fifty percent of the time I do it wrong, and you've got a real culture clash.
So, here's the new rule. I was at a funeral in Italy. I watched a person LEAVE the world. In past tense LEAVE is LEFT. So, in Italy I have to kiss people on the left cheek first. How's that? I'm sure it's just what people want to know.....that before I give them a kiss I'll be thinking about an Italian funeral.
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